Happy Birthday Grandma....

They say losing someone close to you changes you forever and I couldn't agree more.My grandmother Brenda Joyce Holt passed away on December 5th 2014 from pancreatic cancer.  Cancer took my grandma away from me less than a year. She was told that she would only live for a few months but she kept fighting and pushing to the point that we thought she might actually beat it. But after several test and our hopes getting higher and higher we were crushed to find out that it had gotten worse. My grandmother decided to quit chemo because she was tired of being in pain. So all that was left to do was to prepare ourselves. But how do you really prepare for someone who's been in your life since day one to pass? The first person to have been close to you to ever die? It was probably the most heartbreaking thing to do because I knew she would be in a better place and out of pain but that would leave my family and I without her. Without her what were we going to do? All our lives changed after that day. I lost my grandma, my best friend, and one of the best things that ever happened to me. It's the weirdest feeling wanting to pick up the phone and call them knowing no one will answer. I constantly have the urge to have a conversation with her and for her to tell me everything will be okay and that she loves me. My grandma and I had a wonderful relationship that I'm blessed to say many people don't have with their grandparents. My grandmother was so important in my life. She taught me how to read when I was extremely young so when I started school I was reading past my grade level. Because of her I always keep my nose in a book. Through middle and high school she drove me to school everyday and picked me up and never complained about it one bit. We had a special relationship. We shared a love of crime TV shows , love for good food, and a love for each other. I'll never forget my moments spent with her even when she was cursing me out for having a smart mouth. We still loved each other endlessly.  One thing she constantly told everyone while she was sick was that she wanted to stay alive long enough to see me graduate. I wish she could be there for that day because i know she would have been so extremely happy. So when the day finally arrives I know she'll be right there in heaven cheering me on louder than anyone else.  It's her first birthday in heaven and I know she is enjoying every single moment of it. I love you my Grammy and Happy Birthday.